Prelude: Scene: Dance Studio. Spotlight on Maggie in leotards working at barr. Light widens to include instructor and other dancers in a cluster removing dance shoes, shaking out hair, etc. Instructor moves towards Maggie: Instructor: Okay, Maggie, you've done fine today. But class is over and it's time to relax. Maggie: All right. But dancing is the best way I know to relax. (she dances freeform for a bit, then heads over to the group. Dancer: Hey, Maggie, we're all going out tonight to see some Russian folk dancing at the Opera House. Do you want to come? Maggie: Oh, I'd love to, but I have to work tonight. (Other dancers and instructor exit.) Dancer: Are you still working at that quaint old diner? (Maggie nods) I can't understand why you keep working there when you have a full scholarship anyway... Maggie: You'd understand better if you grew up on a little farm, and watched your neighbors lose their land, and your own folks were just barely getting by. I'm just sending a little money home... Dancer: Sending money home? Working at a cheap old antique for 1930s wages? You're as old fashioned as that diner... Well, see you tomorrow... (He exits). (Maggie thoughtfully pulls on a waitress outfit. She waltzes around a bit in it. Angelo the balloon man walks by upstage and looks at Maggie. He mimics her dance. Maggie notices and waltzes out an imaginary door to duet with him. He kisses her hand, and walks over with his balloons to stand outside the diner set. Maggie enters the diner as the lights come up. Act I (Scene: A diner with kitchen area behind the soda fountain, several booths along the front. A sign saying "Hal's" is above the diner. A few customers, mostly at the bar. Lou is cook, and is at the till tallying receipts. Maggie and Sal are cleaning tables and straightening. Tom is bussing dishes to wash. Maggie sings as she washes the tables:) Maggie: It's been a nice day, so far, Things could get better later on. I don't forget I'm lonely, I still regret I'm only, A waitress in a diner car, It's been a nice day, so far. I've had a good year so far, All expectations put aside, I long to be a dancer, I wish I knew the answer, Why do I work in this street car? Still, it's been a good year, so far. I've had a fine time, so far, Not much excitement though it seems, The seasons slip by quickly, good friends don't come so thickly. And lovers only in my dreams, It's been a good life, so far. Charlie: (enters, and drags himself to a stool and sings) Woe is me (Spoken): Cup of Coffee Woe is me (spoken:) Black. Well my wife has quit me, and my girlfriend too, And they're never coming back, and I'm feeling oh so blue, So woe is me... Sal: (Spoken) Sounds like things are tough for you, Charlie. Lou: (Spoken) Yeah, so who told whom? Charlie: Lou, ya wouldn't understand. Lou: I've got a couple of minutes, Charlie. So try me. Charlie: Okay, man, just let me get my stuff together, ya know... (he points some dishes piled where he sat down). Hey Tom, would you kindly haul off this carcass of a roast beef sandwich, and notify the relatives? (Tom does so) Sal, tell the cook to burn me that sandwich's next of kin... Lou: You can just tell me and save Sal the walk... Charlie: You trying to get my tip? Crushed I might be-- devastated is more like it, but I know what's right and proper. Sal: Do you want white, dark, or rye? Charlie: Dark. And a side of fries. Sal: Okay, Lou, Run a cow through the fence, lay it in the mud, and throw some spuds after it. Lou: Gotcha. (He starts making sandwich.) Now Charlie, before you start in, I've just got to say that I've seen this coming for months. Two wrongs don't make a right. Tom: And two women just make a fight. Sal: Hey, Maggie and I resent that... Charlie: (Blustering) Love is nothing but a sham. Don't you try to tell me anything about love. I've been a customer here since you were bussing tables for your Mom and Dad, and that ain't so long ago. You're just a kid. Not much older than my own kids in Chicago. You don't know nothing about love. Tom: I didn't know you had any kids, Charley. Charlie: From my second wife Darlene... Bob and Nancy. Here, I've got a picture of them in my wallet. (He shows Lou and Tom. Customers enter and Sal and Maggie take them water and menus, stay occupied with them.) Lou: Nice kids. Look, Charlie, maybe I don't know beans about love. Customer: I sure do love your beans... Lou: Thanks. But look at you, Charlie. Your third wife and your mistress just left you. Your children only exist in your wallet and Chicago. If you call that love, I'll stick to flipping burgers. Customer: Good burger, too. Charlie: Sure, Lou, it's easy for a kid like you to look at it cynically. But you've got to take love in all its phases. I mean I loved every one of those women... Customer: I bet you did. Charlie: You keep out of this. My life's complicated enough. Customer: Would you pass the ketchup? Charlie: No. (Lou does) Look, I'm trying to make a point. Lou: I'm trying to make your roast beef sandwich. Customer: I'm just trying to eat my burger. Charlie: Nah, look. Life's just like a pair of shoes. Tom: Leave it to the philosopher shoe salesman. Charlie: A good new pair of leather shoes, no artificial uppers, it's going to hurt your feet a little when you first wear them. But when you get them broken in, they're great. You walk proud. A little later, they start getting a few scuffs, and you still wear them, but you forget about them. And finally, they wear out. Tom: So then you run off with a pair of purple pumps... Charlie: Well, not exactly, but you get the picture. I'm talking about life. I'm wild about the good parts, and that's what keeps me going. Tom's older. I think he understands what I mean... Maggie: (to Lou) Order. Double decker burger and smelly hoolahoops. Squeeze a cow and shake it pink. Lou: Lou: Smelly hoolahoops? Maggie: Onion rings? Lou: Lou: You should be able to come up with something better than that. (they get back to work. Tom muses, goes back to wash dishes). Tom: I don't know--love sometimes just happens once. Back in "Once upon a time..." (He turns on the radio--intro music to song) When I first saw you last night, I felt that things were not right, I figured, maybe girl, we'd have a big fight, But I did not know, just what you would say, The lines were written, it was to be our very last day. Refrain: I just can't believe, I just can't believe, Can't believe you'd go away, I just can't believe, I just can't believe, Can't believe you'd leave me to stay... You said you loved him, what more could I say, "Then go to him, girl, if you feel that way," I said these cold words, as if in a play, The lines were written, it was to be our very last day. Refrain Later on, girl, when you are old and gray, You're going to want me, wish you'd not thrown me away, You're going to find, girl, I am a one-of-a-kind. Like you for me girl, I'll always be somewhere on your mind. Refrain (End Song) (Lou gives Charley his sandwich and coffee, and sits down by him) Sal: Order. Two Halsburgers, potato salad, and a Chilidog with slaw. Lou: Sorry, Charley, I've got an order. (diner lapses back into it's own ambience. Charley slumps dramatically and sighs). Sal: (In passing) Ah, come on, Charley, things ain't so bad. If I had your money I'd be rich. How's all those investments you're always talking about? Charlie: (singing, beginning medley with Maggie and Tom) Well the bonds are up, And the stocks are down, They're the least of my worries since my baby's left town, So woe is me... Maggie: It's been a nice day so far. Tom: I just can't believe, I just can't believe... Charlie: Woe is me. Maggie: Things could get better later on. Tom: When I first saw you last night, I felt that things were not right. Charlie: Well my wife just left me, and my sweetheart too... Maggie: I need a small vacation, I'll go down to the station, Tom: Go to him, girl, if you feel that way... Charlie: Now I'm on my own, and I'm feeling oh so blue... Maggie: I'll go off somewhere far away. Tom: I said these cold words as if in a play. Together: Charlie Woe is me Maggie It's been a nice day so far Tom: The lines were written, it was to be our very last day. (End Song. Pause. A piece of plaster drops down from the ceiling) Sal: Boy, the atmosphere around here is so heavy, the sky is falling (a few laughs). Is this Hal's Diner, or the Lonely Hearts Club? It's only life! Look at old Angelo out there with his balloons. Out there all day no matter what the weather. I couldn't stand the job. Yet look at him--he's happy (She waves out at him and he smiles). Maggie: (cheering up) Today at my dance class Angelo walked by just when I was doing a little fun dancing. And do you know what, he matched me step for step! He's amazingly spry for his age... (Thinking) You know, Sal, I think life should be a dance... Sal: Maybe it should, honey, but I haven't gone dancing for years. I think I danced myself out in my younger days. Maggie: Oh really? You should go dancing, Sal. It's great for whatever ails you. Sal: There's two things it won't cure--old age and sore feet... Maggie: We'll just have to see... (She goes over to depressed Charlie) Hey there handsome! (Lou looks up. So does Charlie.) Charlie: Huh? Maggie: I've got a proposition for you (Lou is tense) Charlie: Ah, quit clowning. Maggie: Charlie, you said yourself your women have left you for good. Considering the circumstances, I'd say it was for good. One woman is more than enough for any man. You got yourself into that mess, and it's just as well you saw the end of it. I'm not saying you should forget it, but self pity won't do you any good. Get yourself on your feet and learn something from it. Maggie: I don't know about the rest of your life, but for tonight, let's go dancing... Charlie: (Warming) Just you and me? Maggie: Just you and me... And Sal! Sal: Dancing? You two and me? Isn't three a crowd? Maggie: He's used to it... (Song. Lou watches Maggie, spellbound.) Meet me at ten, we'll go dancing, but no romancing, (I'm on a diet, you should try it) Meet me at ten, we'll be laughing, While we're having us a ball. Meet me at ten, we'll careen there, We can dream there, that the dance is all. Meet me at ten, we'll go dancing, And we won't come back home until fall. (The three dance during instrumental break) Charlie: Meet me at ten, we'll go dancing Sal: We'll be prancing. Maggie: (looks at Lou) It's a riot, you should try it. Charlie: Meet me at ten, birds are singing Maggie: We'll be swinging o'er the floor. Sal: Meet me at ten, band is playing, Maggie: We'll be praying them to play some more. Charlie: Meet me at ten, and we'll learn to fly, All: At least it's worth giving a try... (end song) Lou: Maggie, that was marvelous! (Sal is exhausted) Maggie: Oh, thanks, Lou. Say, it's 9:30 now, and it's really pretty slow. Why don't you let Sal and me off early so we can get dressed for our date? Lou: Oh, uh, I was really thinking... Well. Yeah, I guess Tom and I can handle it for a while. But I'll really need you for a while at 11 when the swing shift stops in... Maggie: You bet! Gee thanks, Lou (She gives him a quick hug). You're a great boss! (to Sal and Charlie) Let's meet at the Flamingo. Charlie: When? Maggie: At 10, silly... (She exits humming. Charley finishes his coffee and pays.) Sal: (Groans and stands up) Well, I know who's going to do most of the dancing this evening... Thanks a lot for letting us off, Lou... (She exits) Charlie: So I guess I'll see what life is like in the dance world. Heh, you never know what's going to happen when you come to Hal's Diner... (He exits. Lights dim on restaurant and go up on outside. Quincy and Max are headed towards the diner after waving off balloon man, and Quincy's head is turned by Maggie, who is approaching the balloonman, and after talking soundlessly, and starts a pantomime dance with him. Quincy and Max watch, lights go up on them. Quincy: What a piece of work she is! Max: Who? Quincy: That babe over there with the balloon man. Max: Yeah, she's nice. So what? Look at her uniform-just some two bit waitress. I thought your tastes run to the upper classes. Quincy: I didn't say I wanted to marry her... She just might make a charming protege. Max: Oh, another one of those... I don't know, she seems to have a few screws loose. Look at her dancing with that old wino. Let's forget about it. You're here on business, right? Quincy: Yes, you're right. But I could use a quick romance. I've been much too busy with restaurants lately. Let's see, she probably works here at the diner... Max: So just how do you plan to pick a woman off the street and connect? I mean, she doesn't look like the right kind of woman... Quincy: A woman is like a business deal, Max. It takes a bit of talk, a few lies, and a good bit of market research. (Song) Find out what makes her tick, what makes her purr, Find out what makes her click, how she goes whirr. Learn how to pull her strings, or how to unfold her wings, Find out what makes her tick, what makes her purr. A woman is like a car engine, She thrives on a little attention. If the timing is right, the sparkplugs ignite, And she takes you where you want to go. Find out what makes her laugh, what makes her smirk, Find out what evil chaff within her lurks, Find how she is consoled, how she can be controlled, Find out what makes her tick, what makes her purr. A woman's a marvelous invention, From her bumpers to her front suspension. Just give her the gas, she'll take you there fast Yes, she'll get you where you want to go... (End Song. Lights up in cafe. Max and Quincy watch as dance in streets continues through next conversation. Lou comes over to Tom who's washing dishes.) Lou: Well, Tom, what do you think about that? I must be crazy or something, letting off both my waitresses in the middle of their shift. Tom: Well, as you say, it's not too busy until around 11. If you call that busy... Lou: No, it's more than just the business I'm worried about. It's Maggie... Here she is going out dancing with a two time loser she hardly even knows. Tom: Charlie? He's okay! What are you talking about? You've known Charlie for years... Lou: Oh yeah... I'm not worried about Charlie. It's Maggie I'm worried about, I'm trying to tell you. Tom: What about her? Nice kid. Lou: Well here she is, going out dancing with a two time loser-- Tom: You already said that. Lou: That she hardly even knows! I mean, what kind of a place am I running here? Tom: Well, it's not much, but it's nice. Kind of homey... For a street car... Lou: I mean, look Tom. A guy comes in off the street, and my waitress goes off with him. Do you think I want people to think that's the kind of place we've got here? Tom: Well, two waitresses went off with him. You haven't said a word about Sal... Lou: That's even worse! Tom: Now look yourself, Lou. I know what you're getting at. You're not worried about what "people" will think. You're just bothered because Maggie went out with Charlie. Lou: Exactly! Tom: Instead of you... Lou: (Melting) Yeah. Am I crazy, Tom? I don't want to fall in love with some free flying floozy... Tom: Looks to me like it's too late. Although you could have seized the moment and gone with them... Lou: Yeah, I thought of that... But I couldn't leave you alone at the diner. I was crazy enough letting my waitresses go. Tom: Look, Lou, sometimes you've got to risk all if you're going to get anything. Besides, Hal's Diner wouldn't go out of business closing early one night. Lou: (Hardening) Yeah, that's what you say. I've seen it in the other businesses around here. First they shorten their hours. Then they start hanging a sign out and close in the middle of the day. Next, Fffft! They're gone... That's not going to happen to Hal's! And not over some floozy! Tom: Lou, I like you a lot. But you seem mighty stodgy for a kid your age. And a lousy judge of character. Maggie's just got a heart of gold and a soft spot for the down and outer... (Song) She's got a heart out of solid gold, She just can't be bought or sold, If you're flat on your back, She'll pull you up on your feet, If your life seems sour, she can turn the taste sweet, She's got a heart out of solid gold. Lou: Woe is me... (End) (Quincy and Max enter diner, dancing continues on street) Lou: Good evening, gentlemen. What can I do for you? Coffee? Quincy: Sure. Lou: The pie's good--fresh this morning. Apple, Blueberry, or Pumpkin... Max: Apple's fine for me. Quincy: No thanks. We didn't really come here for food... You're Louis Becker, aren't you? Lou: That's me. Quincy: I'm Quincy Wheeler. Lou: Oh. (He turns to get their coffee) Quincy: I've been writing you about this property, but I haven't got any answer. Lou: Yeah, I got your letters. Quincy: The thing is, these deals don't just la-de-da until sometime next year. I've got a time frame I'm working in-- permits, contracts. I finally decided to come here in person to get this thing moving. Lou: The thing is, this place is not for sale. Quincy: Oh come now. Everything is for sale. If the price is right. And we've offered you a very generous price for the place. After all, it's only a diner. The lot itself is what we're paying for... Lou: So go find an empty lot somewhere. Quincy: Ahh, well, we could. But our market research indicates that this location is just the right spot for our restaurant. Lou: So just what do you have in mind? I mean, why put a restaurant where there's a restaurant already. It doesn't take any market research to show I'm not getting rich. Quincy: Yes, well, this diner is very quaint and all, but consumers today-- Lou: You mean customers? Quincy: Consumers today are not willing to take a chance on some hole-in-the-wall E. Coli den. Lou: Hey this place isn't-- Quincy: Of course not, of course not. I'm sure you run a very clean operation. But how can the consumer tell from the outside? No, the only hope for consumers today is in chain restaurants. Max: And we've got the best chain yet, right Quincy? Benedict Arnold's Egg Emporium. Lou: That's kind of a long name... Max: Everybody just calls it Benedict's. Lou: Yeah, I guess I've heard of that. Quincy: Heard of it? Are you living in a tin can? (Lou looks at diner). Why there's ads for Benedict's everywhere. Lou: I suppose they sell omelettes and fried eggs... Quincy: Exactly, and 39 other egg specialties. But this is off the subject. The point is that our restaurant needs your location. Now I am prepared to raise the offer slightly, if that is your stumbling block... Lou: No, I don't think you could understand. I'm attached to this place. Quincy: Attached. It's not even your name on the diner... Lou: Hal was my father. You see, this isn't just a business. I grew up in this diner. We all lived where I do now, in that addition on the back. I grew up bussing dishes for my folks. Do you think this is just a piece of property to me? Quincy: That touches me, Louis. A man needs his roots. But a person needs to grow, too. Have you felt that all you want to do in life is run this diner? Lou: Oh yeah, I've got dreams. But when my parents died, I just sort of stepped into it. Quincy: And the money we're offering would let you jump right out of it. Do something different. Follow your dreams. Sail the South Seas. Buy that car you always longed for. Lou: Well, actually, I just always wanted to be a farmer. Quincy: No kidding! I can see it now. A red barn... A white house. Blue overalls. Cows and chickens! You can have it all. City property is worth a lot more than farm land. You could have your dreams... Lou: You do make it sound sort of tempting... But I think the answer is still no. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Even though I've always dreamed of being a farmer, I'd hardly know how to start... Quincy: I'm disappointed in you, Louis. But I'm not giving up. You sleep on it tonight, and I'll stop back tomorrow. Maybe you'll have some dreams worth buying. (He drops some bills on the counter) Here's for the coffee. And you can think about this. Add $5000 onto the last figure I wrote you. Here's my card... Are you coming, Max? Max: I'm still working on my pie. I'll see you at the office tomorrow, Quincy. Quincy: Right. Good evening, Louis. It was nice to meet you. (He exits). (Max sips coffee, Lou is self-absorbed. Lights up on street, where dancing concludes. Charlie, Sal, and Maggie leave balloonman and approach diner.) Charlie: That was fantastic. I've got a whole new lease on life. Sal: Me too. Except I think I'm going to pay the bill tomorrow. I'm headed home to bed... . Goodnight everybody. Charlie: Yeah, see ya, Sal. Maggie: See you tomorrow. (Sal exits and Maggie and Charlie enter diner. Charlie sits at bar next to Max) Charlie: Hey, Lou! We had a great time. You should've gone with us. Lou: (Looks at Maggie) Well, somebody had to watch the diner. Maggie: So how'd it go, Lou? Lou: It was real quiet. But interesting (He looks at Max). (Maggie puts on apron and begins dancing around to intro for Dancing is the Thing) Charlie: Say Lou, I'd like a Halsburger, fries, and glass of milk. Lou: On the way... (He goes to grill) (Song) Maggie: Dancing is the thing that makes my heart sing, Lou: I flip a burger (does so). Maggie: Dreams of my youth are still the truth Lou: Time goes by. Maggie: Fantasies are real if you make 'em congeal Lou: Just like the gravy. (stirs gravy) Maggie: What do you make to which people relate? Lou: A side of fries (He raises fries basket) Sure I've got dreams but that's all that they seem (hands Maggie fries) Maggie: Too many french fries... (Takes one and eats it) Lou: The bills they come in and I just can't begin to let go Maggie: (scooping ice) I'm sure you would be out in the snow. Lou: Conditions are tough and the game is too rough.. Maggie: (Gives him a bill) I just don't buy it. Lou: Maybe I'll try to make my dreams fly, next year. Maggie: I won't be here. (end song) (Several customers enter diner) Charlie: Well, here comes the swing shift. Customer: How's it going, Lou? Lou: (gritted teeth) Fine. Other Customer: You still got any cinnamon rolls, Maggie? Maggie: You'll have to ask Lou... (She goes to wait on other customers. Max starts talking with Charley) Max: You must be a regular here. Nice place... Charlie: Yeah, you bet. Max: So what goes with the waitress and Lou? They married or something? Charlie: Oh, I don't know. They're rubbing on each other for some reason. Maggie--she's got places to go--wants to be a dancer. And Lou--I don't know... Max: Does this place do pretty good business? Charlie: I'd say just so-so. It's mostly us regulars that keep it going. Max: Not much of menu. Charlie: It's good, though. Made right here. Max: Yeah, I'll tell you how that goes. Tastes good one day, and burned the next. No standardization. Charlie: What do you mean? Max: Have you ever been to Benedict's? Charlie: You mean that new chain? Max: (Talks louder and addresses crowd) It's the fastest and most convenient restaurant ever invented. Slam bang! What you want is what you get! Punch in the numbers to order, slip in your credit card, and stand back. You're back on the street in 5 seconds. Charlie: I'm not usually in that kind of hurry. Max: You're the exception, my friend. And don't you get tired of the menu here? Variety! It's the spice of life. Like right now, I don't think I could go to sleep tonight without a cup of chocolate custard. (To Maggie) You got any chocolate custard? Maggie: Never heard of it... Max: What's a fella to do? It's 11 at night and I want my chocolate custard. Or maybe some strawberry eggnog... Well, let me tell you about Benedict's... (Song) They got eggs any way that you want 'em, If you want 'em boiled, they come wrapped in foil, They got eggs any way that you want 'em Scrambled, curried, coddled, egg foo yung. We got eggs any way that you want 'em, They'll be served on toast, if you want 'em poached, We got eggs any way that you want 'em, And the cook you will not have to coach. We got eggs any way that you want 'em. Fried in bacon rings, we do such crazy things, We got eggs any way that you want 'em, And you're going to want them awful bad. (customers begin to chant, Benedict's, Benedict's, Benedict's.) Benedict's is only a short drive away, Use credit cards so you won't have to pay, Follow me--I know the way! (He leads out most of the customers, even Charlie, as far as the door. He shakes his head and snaps out of it. Lou's mouth hangs open. Balloonman exits another way.) Charlie: What the heck? I'm allergic to eggs... Have you ever seen anything like that in your life? Tom: Just on television. That guy's got quite a pitch. Lou: Yeah, and I think it's a beanball headed right at me. Maggie: I can't believe our regular customers could sucker for a song and dance like that... All over eggs! Charlie: Heck, you've got eggs anyway people want them, too, Lou. Sunny side up, over easy, scrambled. An egg's an egg. Lou: Yeah, we've had eggs on the menu ever since my folks opened this place, and I never saw anybody come marching in here... Charlie: Maybe you could get the same advertising company to come up with a campaign for you. Tom: Lou couldn't afford it. Those chains hire highpriced professional brainwashers. Charlie: Well, maybe we could come up with some good copy for you. Hey, I got one! Go to Hal's, for the Halibut! Maggie: That's good, Charlie, but not exactly the strongest argument. No it takes more than just the advertising to compete with the big companies. Remember Joe's Laundry down the block? Charlie: Sure, Joe was a great guy. Lou: I hear he's got a job now. Over across town... Maggie: Well, we all know what did in Joe's Laundry. That new Laundry World went in right around the corner. You walk in and you think you're in outer space. Giant basket claws scoop up your laundry and stick plastic tickets on it and away it goes. You come back in an hour and it's done. Tom: It's just not the same as Joe's. Maggie: Not by a long shot. But the clothes get just as clean, and faster. And I guess it gives people some sort of sense of adventure to go there... Charlie: Joe's was an adventure, too. Sometimes he'd get lost in the clothes racks trying to find your dress jacket. Maggie: Do you know who runs Laundry World? Tom: Nope. Been in there a couple times, but never really noticed. Lou: Me neither. Maggie: One more blank face in the neighborhood. And it could happen here... Any day some chain may stick a restaurant just around the block... Lou: Yeah. First I'd have to shorten our hours, because business would go way down. Then just be closed on Sundays and Mondays. Then, ffft! We're gone... Well, Tom, no more dishes to wash tonight. You can take off... Tom: Sure, Tom. Hey, look. Don't take it too hard. Those guys going off with that jerk--that's a fluke-that's all. People around here appreciate this place for the good place it is... Lou: Thanks, Tom, Well, good night. Tom: See you tomorrow. (Exits Charlie: I got to go, too, Lou. What Tom says, well, that goes double for me... Lou: Thanks a lot, Charlie... Good night. Charlie: So long. (To Maggie) Thanks again for the dancing. I feel like there's going to be a tomorrow after midnight, thanks to you. Maggie: The pleasure was mine, Charlie. Take care. (Charlie exits) Lou: Well, I guess there's not much left to do this evening, Maggie. I guess you can go, too... I'm just going to step out and see if the stars are out tonight. (They step outside diner together.) Maggie: Well, it's clear tonight, for what it's worth. You can't see much with all the city lights. (Pause) I remember nights back home when I felt there wasn't room for another star in the sky... Lou: Yeah, here it's a good night when you can see the moon. (Pause) Maggie, I feel like I owe you an apology... Maggie: Oh no you don't Lou. I just feel bad about how the evening ended. Losing all those customers. Lou: Oh, they'll probably come back. (snorts) The way the evening went I should've just closed early and gone dancing with you. That's what thought, after you left... Maggie: Lou, that's sweet. But you couldn't really have closed the diner. It's just out of your character... Lou: Yeah, well, sometimes... Sometime... (Pause) Well, the reason I wanted to apologize is how I kind of trampled on you after you got back from dancing. I mean, you started singing that (Sung) "Dancing is the Thing that makes my heart sing," and I was just plain envious. I mean, I don't even know how to dance... Maggie: You mean you've never even gone out on a dance floor and wiggled? Lou: The closest I've come is wiggling between tables with a few dirty dishes. And sometimes that's pretty close to dancing. But you--you dance beautifully. You ought to be on the stage... Maggie: Oh, thank you, Lou. But you know, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. Back home everyone said I was a natural, and I ought to go to the city and be a star. But when I got here, no one was waiting for Maggie Larson. Lou: No, I guess I'm not surprised. The city just eats people. You've got to have connections to get anywhere and be anybody. (Pause) I've often heard you mention home, but I don't know much about you. What's your home like? Maggie: When my folks bought the place, the ad said "300 acres of canyons and critters," but there was a little good crop land on it. That's what we own, and even that the bank's got a piece of. They lease some other farmland, and run a bunch of cattle in the canyon. Lou: Did you like living on a farm? Maggie: Yeah, I did. Better than my brothers. But I liked dancing more. My mom would drive me a hundred miles a week for lessons. I think she liked getting off the farm... Lou: You know, I always wanted to be a farmer... Maggie: A city boy like you? Have you ever been on a farm? Lou: Yeah. I worked on one summers in High School. But I got started before that. See these flowerboxes? Maggie: Sure, Lou, the place wouldn't be the same without them. Lou: Junior high shop project. Maggie: So you were planting flowers in junior high? Lou: Nah. Corn and beans. I wanted to be a farmer. Maggie: (chuckles) That must have looked unusual. Lou: Yeah, good thing my folks were tolerant. I actually ate a few green beans that first year. And I loved working on my aunt and uncle's farm. Maggie: So what kept you from living out your dream? Lou: Do you know anyone who really does live out their dreams? I was ready to keep doing farm work after high school. Then Dad died, so I had to help Mom run the diner. Three years later she died, too. By then I guess I was in a rut. I still think about farming, but wouldn't know how to do much. Farming is changing so quickly... Maggie: It's a hard way to earn a living... Lou: I suppose that's true with dancing, too. (Pause) You know, tonight while you were gone, I got an offer to buy the diner... Maggie: You're kidding! Lou: Nope. The same outfit that the "pied piper" sang about: Benedict's. Maggie: You wouldn't sell? Lou: They'd written me before... I figured they were crazy. So now they upped the offer. Now I think I'm crazy... Maggie: What do you mean? Lou: Why should I want to hang onto this hole-in-a-wall diner? I know what the competition is. Maggie: Yeah, I see what you mean, Lou. Benedict's is a real up and coming chain. They'd probably cash you out... But it's not just an old beat up street car. It's your home, too. And it's something special to people in the neighborhood. Lou: But if I don't sell they'll just buy someplace else right around the corner. Maggie: Or some other big chain will move in... Lou: And there goes the neighborhood. Maggie: And it seems like the world's a little colder... (She shivers, he gives her his apron..) It's funny. I've always admired the guys that push to get ahead--the ones in high school "most likely to succeed." They seem to know what they want in life, and charge around the freeways to get it. But now I start to see the wake they leave behind... Lou: Yeah. Nobody can accuse me of that... Except for a little litter in the parking lot. I'm not much of a guy to admire... Maggie: Oh yes, Lou, I like you a lot. You're solid (She clasps his arm)--and there's so many people who are hollow in this world... Lou: You know, Maggie, I thought you were kind of hollow this evening--going out with Charlie like that on the spur of the moment. I thought, what kind of a woman is this? Now don't get mad! I'm sorry I doubted you. But what I realized is this-- you're the most kindhearted, beautiful woman in the world! (He clasps her other arm) It wasn't for yourself you went dancing with Charlie--you turned him right around. Maggie: I'm touched, Lou. I don't think I'm all that wonderful... Lou: But you are... To me... It was only because I got jealous of Charlie that I realized how I felt about you myself. Maggie, I love you! (They embrace, short kiss, she glances at diner, falls away). Maggie: Lou, it seems so good, and yet... Lou: And yet? Maggie: Can you tell the future? Where will you be next year? Lou: I want to be with you... Maggie: Where, Lou? And where will I be? Lou: I don't care where. All I care is "Who?" Maggie: What have we been talking about, Lou? You dream of being a farmer, but you stay here, because it's security. It's all you really know. Our lives only intersect once--here. I care about you Lou, but I can't abandon my career in dance. Lou: Career? Maggie, how long have you been in town? Maggie: Two years... Lou: And how have you supported yourself the last two years. Maggie: I know what you're getting at. I know I'm not a professional dancer yet. But I know I won't be a professional waitress. Lou: I felt your heart beat when I held you... Is your heart only set on your career? I'm sorry I was born into this boring business. Except for one thing. The people here have been great! Here, I met you! What is this place? Shelter and food. What more do we need? There's only one thing for me, that's you... (Song) I need you, I love you, I want you to know, I never ever want to see you go... You're lonely, I'm only, somebody who cares. People just look better when in pairs. (Instr. refrain, dance) I feel for you, I touch you, I want you to see, You mean everything there is to me. Do you want me? You have me. What is there to do? Just try to love me, and I'll love you. (Inst. refrain, in dance she whirls away leaving inept Lou behind, the end together, hands outstretched, he in front of diner. She looks at diner, Lou, shakes her head, they part. End Act I.) Act II (Scene i. Next afternoon at the diner. The diner has every booth full and kids at the soda fountain. Maggie, Lou, Sal, Tom are there, not too busy. Maggie and Lou avoid each other as they work. At a booth, Jessie sits alone with a book. Jessie looks at book but mostly peeks at the more outgoing kids. Dee Ann, Bob, and Kipper are at the Soda Fountain. Maggie serves Jessie.) Maggie: Here you go... Jessie: Thank you. Maggie: I don't think I've seen you here before... Jessie: No. Maggie: Are you new in the neighborhood? Jessie: Well, kind of. Maggie: (Looks at book) Oh, that's an interesting old book you're reading. I read that myself when I was about your age. Jessie: Did you? Maggie: I didn't think kids read anymore... Jessie: Well, I do. All the time... Maggie: What's your name? Jessie: Jessie. Maggie: Jessie, I'm Maggie. Pleased to meet you. Don't you know any of the other kids here? Jessie: I've seen some of them. Maggie: Whoops, excuse me. I've got to go get an order. Enjoy your soda... Jessie: Thanks (Returns to reading and peeking) (Sal takes order to 3 kids at Soda fountain.) Kids: Thanks. Kipper: Hey, I bet she's old enough to remember! Sal, we need your help. Sal: Old enough to remember? What? The crossing of the Delaware? Sure, I was there. Here's General Washington, saying, "I'll go across but I won't row!" So I says, okay, I'll row, but the seat's taken so you'll have to stand up! Bob: What the heck is she talking about? Sal: Old enough, indeed! Humphh! (She turns to go) Kipper: Ahh, come on, Sal. I'm not talking about the Middle Ages... We just need you to settle an argument... Dee Ann: Kipper says his dad said when he was a kid, one kid would stand next to another kid and hold his fingers up behind the other kid's head like this (She makes bunny ears behind Bob's head). Sal: Sure, Rabbit ears! Don't you kids know anything? Bob: Well, Kipper said kids used to think it was funny... Dee Ann: That's stupid! Why would anybody think that this (She does it again) is funny? Sal: Kids today have no sense of humor. (She turns to do other things, says to Maggie:) Look at you, bouncing around today. I'll bet you haven't got a sore muscle in your body... Now me, I had to call in two neighbors to pry me out of bed with a two by four. But it was worth it... (Maggie smiles wanly) Say, you don't look so good today... I can't believe that you're stiff. What's going on? Maggie: (forcefully brightening) No, I'm not stiff... Just thoughtful, I guess... Sal, if you were like me, what would you be doing now? Sal: That's a question and a half, honey... I'd... Lou: Order's up, Sal. Sal: Tell you in a minute... (A small boy named Eddie has entered stage and starts playing with a ball outside diner. He kicks the ball hard against the diner door, creating a disturbing "thunk!" Lou exits diner to see what it was. Lights up on outside.) Lou: Oh, did you hit the diner with that ball? Eddy: (scared, nods yes) Lou: I thought maybe a duck from the park just hit the window. That happened once before, you know... Eddy: Really? Lou: Yep. I took it inside and showed my folks. "Yecch," they said, throw it in the garbage..." So I sat out in back and held it and looked at it. And you know what? Eddy: What? Lou: It wasn't dead at all! Just knocked out. I watched it fly off after a few minutes... (Pause) You know, this isn't really a very good place to play ball... Eddy: I know. The school's too far away. Lou: There's the park that the duck came from... Eddy: Mom doesn't let me go there by myself... Lou: Where is your mom? Eddy: Works at Tony's Lounge. Doesn't come home till 5. Lou: And your dad? Eddy: He lives in Detroit. Lou: Ohh. Well, I tell you what. Now I don't think it's a good thing for you to be playing out here. And I don't want to reward you for nearly kicking a ball through my window. But. Why don't you come inside and have an ice cream soda, my treat? Eddy: Well, I guess it's all right... (They enter diner, lights up inside. Eddy sits at soda fountain close to Lou.) Sal: What can I do for you today, sir? Lou: It's okay, Sal, I'm taking care of him. (She turns away and goes over by Maggie. The balloonman enters stage, crosses in front of diner to his place) Sal: Okay Maggie, now I've got a minute. If I was were you're at in life, I'd probably be mostly thinking about two things. First of all, you've got talent, that's for sure, and I know you're keeping half a mind at least on what you're ever going to do with it. Second, if you're like me, or any of those young jay birds at the counter over there, you've got about a mind and a half saying, "What am I doing alone, at this time in my life..." Maggie: You've got it pegged, Sal. (Pause) What do you think about Lou? Sal: He's much too young for me... Maggie: You mean you thought about... I was thinking about... Sal: Honey, I've spent my life sizing up the opposition... You've got two minds going about you, and I never had but the one... What talent I had I put into meeting and mating. You asked me for some advice and I'll give you some. When I was about your age I fell in love with a man I could have loved for the rest of my life. He was crazy about me. But then I thought maybe I should shop around a little. Honey, I'm still shopping, but the bargains are gone. Here's my advice. You find one good man, and stick to him. (Lou goes back by Tom to get something for Eddy) Lou: How's it going, Tom? Tom: No pearls yet. How about you? You're not looking good. Lou: Things are tough. I'll tell you later. Tom: Hang in there. (Maggie returns to Jessie) Maggie: Everything okay? Jessie: Sure, fine... Maggie: The best part of that book is about the Queen's toes. Jessie: I haven't gotten to that part yet. Maggie: Well, I won't wreck it for you. Can I get you anything else? Jessie: No. Maggie: Okay, thanks a lot. (She leaves a bill. As she walks by the counter Kipper puts bunny ears behind her head) Dee Ann: You see, Kipper, that wasn't funny a bit. Bob: Let me try it... (Sal walks past and he puts the bunny ears on her. Meanwhile Dee Ann does it to Kipper) Sal: (turning around) What in the world? Kids! You'd think in 40 years they'd grow up! (The kids laugh) Kipper: Well, it's almost funny... (Quincy enters across stage, ignores balloonman who offers him balloon as he enters diner. Lou is behind counter by till with Eddy across.) Lou: (Aside) Now this makes my day! Quincy: Louis, just the man I'm looking for... Lou: Look, I'm busy with a customer right now, maybe you'd like to come back some other time... Quincy: (Looks at Eddy): Him? Lou: Yeah, him. (Quincy tries to locate empty booth, none available. Lou addresses Eddy) So who do you think is going to win the World Series next year? Eddy: Huh? Lou: Never mind. You want some more soda? Eddy: Sure. Quincy: (To Maggie) Excuse me. Maggie: Can I help you? Quincy: You certainly can. I'd like a booth. Maggie: (looks around). I guess they're all full right now. Quincy: Well, I'd surely appreciate it if you could find me one. I'm here to talk business with Mr. Becker and I'd prefer a little privacy. (He pulls a $5 bill out of his pocket.) Maybe you could encourage that kid (Jessie) to leave a little early. She's already got her bill... Maggie: (Ignores money) I'll see what I can do... (Goes to Jessie) Umm, Jessie, that guy over there asked me to ask you to leave so he could have your booth... (Jessie jumps up) But I tell you what... Here, come with me... (she pulls Jessie who grabs her bill over to the soda fountain to stool next to other kids.) Kipper, Bob, Dee Ann-- (Chuck slips bunny ears on Quincy, who is upstage of him) I bet you don't know Jessie. She's a great friend of mine, and (She looks at bunny ears) an absolute expert on rabbits! (Other kids laugh) Right this way, sir. (She leads Quincy to booth and clears dishes. Quincy sets money on table.) Quincy: Thank you, my dear. I'm deeply indebted to you. Maggie: (She smiles) Are you the one interested in buying Hal's? Quincy: That's one of my interests. Benedict's Restaurants... I have many. Maggie: Oh? Quincy: Maybe even you... (Maggie carries dishes off) Kipper: So what do you know about rabbits? Jessie: Umm, well. Uh, once upon a time there was this rabbit... Dee Ann: She must babysit a lot... Jessie: He set out to see the world. Only he was quite sure his ears were too big... Which made him nervous, and shy in front of strangers. (Kipper puts bunny ears behind Dee Ann) The rabbit wanted to see the world, but whenever he met anyone, boop, he would jump and hide in the bushes. One day it was going along, and heard something coming with its big ears. So Boop! It jumped behind a rock. Only the rock had a head sticking out of it, 'cause it was a turtle... Zip. In went the turtle's head. "How strange," thought the rabbit. "That animal has no ears at all!" Since they were both so weird, they decided to become friends. "Let's have a race," the turtle said... The end. (The kids applaud). Bob: (Maggie comes by and Bob says to her): You were right! She is an expert on rabbits! (Maggie winks at Jessie) Dee Ann: So who won the race? Jessie: That's a different story... I did have a rabbit once... (They continue to talk and gesticulate, becoming inaudible as Maggie and Quincy resume) Maggie: Here's your coffee. So you want to open a Benedict's and then manage it? Quincy: Ha ha! You mean end up stuck at the cash register? (He glances at Lou) I can see you haven't been to Benedict's. It's thoroughly modern, I assure you. I have better things to do than manage a restaurant. Managing a restaurant is a dead end. Maggie: You may have a point... I mean, a person ought to aspire to something, to dreams... Quincy: Dreams? Exactly. And what is the stuff that dreams are made from? Maggie: I'm not sure... Quincy: Money! Lou: Order, Maggie. (She goes to get an order. On way back, Sal stops her, points to Quincy.) Sal: Now that's an interesting fish. You can tell by the way he dresses... Maggie: Tell what? Sal: That he's dressed for success. Nice piece. Maggie: Yeah, I guess so. Sal: He reminds me of one I almost married... Maggie: So why didn't you? Sal: He already was... (Maggie continues on towards Quincy. Freeze. Spotlight on Sal.) Look at this piece of production line trash-- his heart's in his pocket where he keeps his cash! (song) I could use a man like that once in a while, I would choose a man like that to keep in style, I could woo a man like that, with just a smile, And throw him off, and get another from the pile. A man is a fool for your pleasure, He's also a key to your treasure, Tie his heart up in knots, he'll forget what he's lost, And he'll take you where you want to go. (Instrumental, dance interlude, Max enters, Sal dances with Quincy, drops him for Max, general trading of partners) I'd refuse a man like that, just for a while, I'd tie the knot around his neck, and then I'd file, I'd review a man like that, and then I'd smile, And throw him off and get another from the pile. (She grabs Lou) A man is a fool for your pleasure, He's also a key to your treasure, Just lead him along, until he's a pawn, (Dumps Lou) Then find someone who's more on the go. (Ends song surprised, with Tom, who is equally surprised. Black out. Max exits. Lights up, everyone back at freeze.) Quincy: (To Maggie:) Excuse me, could I have some cream? Maggie: It's right there in those little tubs--nondairy. Quincy: You were talking about dreams... Surely a beautiful woman like you doesn't wish to waste her life in a pit like this? Maggie: It's no big secret that I want to be a dancer... Quincy: Ahh, an artist! I should have known... (Maggie goes over to kids) Maggie: Everything okay here? Jessie: Yeah, great! Maggie: Is there anything else you need? Bob: Nope. Dee Ann and I have got to be going. Can we have the checks? Maggie: Sure. (She gives them out.) Bob: So long, Kipper. Nice meeting you, Jessie. (He bunny hops to Lou at till) Dee Ann: Yep. See you around. (She joins Bob at register). Kipper: (To Jessie) You in any hurry to go anywhere? Jessie: I was thinking of going to the library... Kipper: I'll walk you there. We can go through the park... Jessie: Well, that would sure be great! (She picks up check) Kipper: (They head to cash register) You know Mrs. Trimble, the librarian? Jessie: She's very nice... Kipper: She's my aunt... Lou: (Takes care of business) Hi kids. Thanks. Have a nice day. Kipper: You too, Lou. (Kipper and Jessie exit restaurant, go to balloonman, and Jessie buys balloons. Exeunt) (Maggie collects kids' dishes, takes them to Tom. Quincy sits tapping rhythm to "Find Out..." Sal eyes him and hums "I could use a Man like that." Lights alter, Song:Duet Sal and Quincy. Find out what makes her tick and I could use a man like that. (Boldface denotes overlap of lyrics) Quincy: Find out what makes her tick, what makes her purr... Sal: I could use a man like that once in a while Quincy: Find out what makes her click, what makes her whirr. Sal: I would choose a man like that to keep in style. Quincy: Learn how to pull her strings, Sal: With just a smile Quincy: How to unfold her wings, Find out what makes her tick, what makes her purr. Sal: And throw him off and get another from the pile. (Refrain is sung staggered and simultaneously) Quincy: A woman's a marvelous Sal: A man is a fool for your invention, pleasure, From her bumpers to her front He's also a key to your suspension, treasure, Just give her the gas, Tie his heart up in knots, She'll take you there fast, He'll forget what he's lost, (simult.) And she'll take you And he'll take you where you where you want to go. want to go. (End song) Quincy: (To himself) Ahh, yes, dancing... That should do it... (To Maggie) Excuse me, Miss? Maggie: You need something? Quincy: Indeed! I was just thinking... You mentioned dancing... That reminded me of a nightclub that I have part ownership in-- a percentage really. And they feature dancing. Now it's not ballet, not really art dancing, but it is extremely modern anyway. The thing is, you could get a job there, and be doing what you like to, after a fashion... Maggie: Are you serious? Quincy: Very... Maggie: But you don't know a thing about me. Quincy: I like you, and it wouldn't hurt to try... If you've got talent, the pay would probably five times what they pay here... Maggie: They'd pay me? To dance? I don't believe it... I thought it would never happen. Sal: Maggie, can you come here a minute? Maggie: Sure Sal. Excuse me. (She goes over by Sal) Sal: What kind of a line is that guy feeding you, anyway? (Lou eavesdrops) Maggie: Line? I don't know. He just thought he could help me get a job dancing. Sal: Look Maggie, I don't trust that guy any farther than I could throw him. It's the first time I've ever seen him around here. Maggie: He said he's come to talk to Lou about buying the diner. He's with Benedict's restaurants. Sal: The diner? Lou wouldn't sell the diner. It's his life... Maggie: Well, that's what he said, and I believe him. He's a real mover. He's got part interest in a night club. Sal: Okay, girl, you can make your own mistakes... Just watch out for the price tag... Maggie: Price tag? Sal: Find out what he wants from you. (She walks off with dishes to Tom. Maggie returns to Quincy. Sal addresses Tom) You hear what I told her? Tom: You did the best you could. Maggie: (To Quincy) It all sounds too good to be true... You're sure there isn't any catch? Quincy: Catch? I'm sure you'd be doing the nightclub a favor... Of course, I haven't seen you dance, yet. But I though we could remedy that. You could do me the honor of going out to dinner with me, and afterwards we could dance. I love dancing... Maggie: Well, I'm not in the habit of going out with men I've just met... (Tom, Lou, and Sal raise their eyebrows) Quincy: Oh, certainly, I understand. I'll be completely honest with you. The reason I'm being so forward with you is this... I was also here last night to talk to Mr. Becker, and I first saw you as you were leaving the restaurant. I was enormously attracted to you. It was as if fate were drawing our two paths together for unknown ends... (Lou raises eyebrows, angers, sorrows) And so, since last night, I was already looking forward to seeing you again, to see if my first impression was true. Maggie: And was it? Quincy: I think you are delightful. And so I made bold to ask you out to dinner and dance... Most honorably, I assure you. I am an honorable man... (Sal and Lou raise eyebrows) Maggie: Well, I do work tonight... But I have tomorrow night off... Quincy: That would be excellent. Here is my card (gives her card). Shall we say, dinner at 8? Maggie: Well... (hesitates) As you wish. Quincy: And where may I call for you? Maggie: Waterton Apartments. Buzz 3-C and I'll meet you at the door. (Sal throws up hands in disgust. Maggie goes off to clear table) Eddy: (to Lou) Well, I gotta go now. Thanks. (Exits, balloonman gives him balloon. Lou: (To Eddy) Don't mention it. (He slumps) Tom: (Hums Heart of gold dismally) Quincy: (To Lou) I see you're done with your customer. Lou: I'm done with the whole business. I've changed my mind. I have no reason to keep this diner going... I'll sell at the price you offered... (Maggie, Sal, Tom, startled. Blackout. End Act II) (Intermission. The diner is transformed to the marvel of plastic architecture, Benedict Arnold's. Plastic logs cover most of the exterior. Flashy sign. Inside diner a wall is up where the coffee bar was, and there are no stools or tables. In wall is a row of telephones with video screens above and chutes below. Colorful signs of chickens marching, eggs in revolutionary war uniforms, etc. The balloonman enters and stands outside restaurant. Max is watching the restaurant as workers remove ladders, tools, etc. A banner sign is put up, announcing "One in a million sweepstakes!" Quincy enters, lights up full.) Quincy: It looks great, Max, great! Max: These guys have done a bang up job, Quincy. Quincy: You'd hardly know there's a tin can under all this. Max: You'd think they would have just hauled it away and stuck in a whole new restaurant. Quincy: No, that's part of their historical preservation theme. Besides, facades are cheaper than whole new structures. Max: So how's the advertising coming? Quincy: Max, advertising is the answer to our prayers... The company is going to send the giant egg blimp, and tomorrow we get two girls dressed as hens to parade around in front. We're calling it our gala pregrand opening event! (He looks up at the new sign) Hey what's with this contest? Max: The company sent it over today, Quincy. You're not going to like it... Quincy: What do you mean, Max? Contests are great! They bring in customers! Why else would we have them? Max: Yeah, well, this one's a surprise for us. Here, look at this. (He hands Quincy sheet of paper) Quincy: (Mumbling) One in a million sweepstakes. Every purchase a free chance at winning. A Benedict Arnold's Restaurant... Enter as often as you like. I don't get it, Max? What's the big deal? So they're giving away a restaurant. Once they gave away a 747... Max: The big deal is the fine print in our franchise contract. If some stiff orders the right combination here at our restaurant, bingo! They win the restaurant! Our restaurant! Quincy: My brand new restaurant? You've got to be kidding... They must reimburse us or something... Max: I read the contract. They called it the "Life is a gamble" clause. You win some, you lose some. In every life a little rain must fall. That sort of thing. Quincy: Hogwash! I'm not going to take a chance on something like that happening! I'm not a gambling man. Max: It's in the contract, Quincy. But the chances are only one in a million, anyway. It's all controlled by the computer. It picks a new random sequence every day. Quincy: Why didn't I know about this for the advertising? Max: It's brand new. The company is announcing it in the national ads today. Quincy: (Looks around to see if workers are near they have just left restaurant) Say, Max, I've got an idea. You've got a good background in computers, right. Max: I used to be a hacker, sure. Quincy: It seems to me there's no reason that our restaurant should be the one to be given away. There's plenty of other Benedict's across the country... Max: I couldn't just dump the program. A little notice is supposed to pop up on the screen after every order... Quincy: No, don't dump it, just modify it a bit. I've got it! Instead of using a set of Benedict's phone numbers, have the computer pick from some other set of numbers. Then there's no chance that we'd be the loser. Max: Might be a bit illegal... Quincy: Why worry about a little thing like that? What ought to be illegal is the company trying to rip off us honest merchants. Max: Well, you've got a point there. I'll see what I can do. (Workers reenter) Quincy: That'll be great, Max. Is everything ready for the opening? Max: Absolutely. It's amazing what can be done in three days! These guys deserve a bonus. Quincy: Sure, give them a packet of gift coupons, Max. Everybody loves these. Max: Sure thing, Quincy. (Hands out coupons) Go ahead and try the machines, boys. (Song, Max and Quincy, duet, Reprise) We got eggs any way that you want 'em, If you want 'em boiled, they come wrapped in foil, We got eggs any way that you want 'em Scrambled, curried, coddled, egg foo yung. We got eggs any way that you want 'em, They'll be served on toast, if you want 'em poached, We got eggs any way that you want 'em, And the cook you will not have to coach. We got eggs any way that you want 'em. Fried in bacon rings, we do such crazy things, We got eggs any way that you want 'em, And you're going to want them awful bad. (During the song workers use phones, punch buttons, stick in coupons, and bags come out of the chute. Some come too fast, and workers adjust with screwdrivers if they do. Some come too slow- -they kick them to make them work. One, the chute lid is lifted and fried eggs go into the worker's face. The slapstick can relate to eggs described in verses. Another machine spews out styrofoam or foil. During song Quincy and Max are upstage, and unaware of slapstick behind. By the end, workers have everything working normally.) Max: So how are they working? Worker: Just great, thanks... (They exit quickly. Balloon man follows them offstage) Quincy: Okay, Max, we open at noon. You go in back and see what you can do about the computer. I see Louis coming now to get his final check and finish the transaction. (Lou falters, shocked at the transformation, then enters restaurant.) Quincy: Good morning, Louis! Well, what do you think? Lou: I don't any more... Quincy: Ha ha! Very funny! I mean, about the restaurant. Quite a change, eh? Lou: (Looks around) Yeah. Quincy: Well, you're right on time. I've got the check right here, and a final form for you to sign. Lou: Seeing this place could give a person second thoughts... Quincy: Now, now, it's a bit too late for that... The diner was actually sold with the earnest money agreement. Lou: Oh, yeah, I guess so. Quincy: Just think of the dreams this check represents to you! Lou: Dreams? Schmeams! (He signs form) The sooner this is done with, the better... Quincy: Quite so, quite so. It's going to be a busy place here in an hour or so. I've got a lot of things cooking this morning... Lou: That's funny. I don't have a single thing cooking on my burner. Quincy: That sounds great, just great. Well, as I was saying, I've got a lot to do. It's been a pleasure doing business with you. Lou: I'm sure... Quincy: You'd better bank that check immediately. The streets are full of shady characters. Lou: Yes, and not just the streets. Quincy: Quite right. Good day, Louis. (They shake hands. Lou exits diner--lights down inside. On street Lou sings part of medley:) Lou: Woe is me. It's been a nice day, so far. Woe is me. When I first saw you last night, I felt that things were not right. Woe is me. (The Balloonman enters to stand apart. Lou drifts over towards edge of stage. Street noise and honking is heard. He lurches towards the edge and honking is heard. He jerks back). Hey, what's the matter, buddy, in a hurry to go somewhere? It's a crosswalk, see? Wheels. They think they own the city. Heh. They do. I had a set of wheels. (He looks at diner) A 1915 Raleigh Trolley... Says so right on the Bill of Sale (Pats his pocket) Doesn't look that old now... No sir, you wouldn't know it. Modernized, customized, Sanitized. A pack of lies! Now, now... I guess you've got to keep up with fashion... (He gives the facade a kick) Anything still real under there? (Max pops out of door and yells without really looking at Lou) Max: Hey, move along there, Buddy! What are you trying to do, anyway? Sheesh, the kooks in this town... Am I gonna have to call the cops? (Lou goes to an out of the way part of the set and slumps down. Maggie enters without either seeing the other, and eyes the diner as she approaches it. Quincy comes out looking for the one who kicked the diner, and changes facial expression seeing Maggie) Quincy: Ahh, you're just on time! I see you're impressed by the new facade... Maggie: Well, uh. It's bright, anyway. Different... Quincy: It sells, and that's what counts... Maggie: Why are these plastic logs on here, anyway? Quincy: It's the rustic look, the theme of Benedict Arnold's restaurants. Early Americana. Maggie: Who's Benedict Arnold, anyway? Did he start the chain? Quincy: No, I don't think so. I believe he was one of the founding fathers. And also invented Eggs Benedict, I think. Maggie: It seems funny that a restaurant could make it just selling eggs... Quincy: Just think of all the restaurants that just sell chicken... Which came first, the chicken, or the egg? Specialty foods are where the market is. Besides, there's more variety here than you'd think. Come on in and I'll show you around... (They enter, Lou, who has become aware of them, groans) Maggie: So who's going to be the cook, Quincy? Quincy: That's stone age thinking. Nobody wants to cook, and nobody has to, here. Max: Say, Quincy, I dot that little problem all squared away... Quincy: What problem? Oh, that one... Great, Max, you're a genius. Max: I'll tell you about it later. I need to run to the bank and get some rolls of bills for the change machines. (exits) Quincy: Great guy, Max... Now let me tell you how it all works. The whole back room is full of robot arms, microwaves, freezers, and computer banks. All our specialties are manufactured at a plant in Pittsburg and shipped frozen. Now suppose you want to order lunch... You can either punch in your orders on this phone gadget, and the computer tells you what you're ordering... Maggie: That sounds a bit complicated... Quincy: Or, if you're not modern enough, you can push O and order with a real person... Maggie: Where's the real person? Quincy: At the orders center in Seattle. Maggie: Then what? Quincy: Then the computer orders the food, the robot arms select it, pop it in the microwave. Meanwhile the computer checks your credit, or your cash to see if it's fake, and adds your name to a marketing profile. You can get your whole meal in 5 seconds. Maggie: Wait a second, back up. Why would anybody want to punch buttons instead of just placing an order with a waiter? Quincy: It's faster! Just what I was talking about... Also it's cheaper. Maggie: So what's this contest about? Win the restaurant? Quincy: Ha, that will amaze you! Surprised me a little. Every order made at a Benedict's this month gives a person a chance to win the restaurant. Maggie: You mean, someone might win this restaurant? Quincy: There's a slight possibility... Very slight. Maggie: I suppose you'd be paid for it by the company? Quincy: No, it's not that way. I'd lose everything... Maggie: But that's crazy! Quincy: Life is a gamble, Maggie. I think this restaurant is a good gamble. But one never knows. You've got to be willing to give your best to get the best... (He moves towards her to embrace. Max enters.) Speaking of which, we should head over to your dance tryout. Max: We're all set to open now, Quincy. (He exits into back of machines) Quincy: Great, great... Maggie: I sure don't know what to think about this. All these changes get to a country girl. It all seems so crazy... Quincy: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! You think I'm crazy? (Song. Features forward Quincy and sometimes elusive Maggie in choreography) You think I'm crazy, I think so too... It's cause I love you, I'm just crazy about you, bout you. Let's go get married, though we've just met, We'll fly to Paris, we can get there by jet, by jet. Mainly, Baby, you drive me crazy, I'm half crazy, All over you! We'll see the ocean, the sky so blue, I have a notion, I could swim in the bayou, by you. Let's fly to Rio, or else Bombay, It makes you feel, so very, risque, risque, risque. You think I'm crazy Maggie: I think so too, Quincy: It's cause I love you, I'm just crazy about you, bout you. (End) Maggie: Oh, Quincy, you're sweet! (She hugs him. He hugs her eagerly back. She shakes her head.) But you're crazy! (They laugh and exit past Lou. Lou animates again and goes to the front of the diner) Lou: (Goes over by facade) This is the stupidest thing I've ever done. (The balloonman picks up some bags off the street, pantomimes entering the restaurant, exiting littering extravagantly. Lou chuckles. Angelo gives him a balloon) Thanks, Angelo, I guess you don't think much of the new restaurant either (Angelo gives it a kick, imitating Lou earlier) Yeah, I guess I really blew it when I sold out. (Lou is facing away from entrance to diner. Max comes out again ) Max: Hey, beat it, fellah! (He goes back inside. Tom enters) Tom: Lou, what in the world are you doing here? Lou: Seeing the world, Tom. Seeing the world. See, I've even got a balloon. That makes me a tourist. Tom: Yeah, that's nice. (Balloonman offers him one) No thanks, Angelo. I'd look funny asking for a job hanging on to a balloon. Lou: Oh, yeah. You don't have a job anymore, either. I'm sorry about that... Tom: It's okay, Lou. I think I understand. Anyway I thought I'd see if the new place needs any help. I hate to work for a chain, but I'm really attached to the old car, even with a facelift. Lou: Sure, give it a try. Nothing to lose... Careful not to kick the diner on your way in... (Tom enters diner, lights go up, Max enters from back of diner) Tom: Excuse me, are you the manager? Max: Sure, why not? Tom: I'm interested in working here. I've got experience in all phases of restaurant work, and I'll take whatever you have to offer. Max: Oh yeah, I remember you. You used to work here washing dishes. Tom: Lou would give me a good reference. Max: Yeah, that's swell. The problem is, we don't need any dishwasher. You've been replaced by a garbage compactor. Tom: I could cook. Max: It's all cooked at the plant in Pittsburg. Tom: I could bus dishes and clean tables... Max: It's all self service, see. And there's no place here for people to leave their dishes, except in the garbage. If we had tables it would encourage the bums to hang out here. And that's bad for business. This restaurant is totally automated, see? Tom: Yeah, I see. Thanks for everything. (He turns to leave. Blackout) (Scene ii. On the seamy street, Maggie and Quincy are walking and talking.) Quincy: It's just around the block now. It's actually pretty close to the restaurant... Maggie: (walking by sign for XXX movies) I've never been in this neighborhood before... Quincy: I just know you'll be a big success. And with a good paying job you can start dressing better, get a car. You'll feel like a different person... Maggie: You don't like the way I dress? Quincy: It's quaint... And of course, I like you, no matter what you're wearing. But you don't dress for success. People in the city can spot that a mile away. Even so, I could see your potential, and I hope to develop it! Maggie: Into what? I really wonder where I'm headed, sometimes. Quincy: Into a success, that's what... Maybe a star. Maybe rich, maybe just famous. Rags to riches--the American Dream. Maximize yourself- that's my motto. Go for it! Take steps, and if they turn out to be wrong, take a few more the other way. Grandma used to tell me, "You gotta shake the tree to get the walnuts." And I'm going to shake that tree. Maggie: But what are you shaking it for? Quincy: It's dreams again. The good life. (Song) I want a Cadillac 8, I want a home on the lake, high livin', I want to buy lots of stuff, I just can't get enough, high livin', We'll go out on the town, just fooling around, Maybe I'll buy you a new evening gown, Won't it be fun, hey, when we have the money, High livin'. I'd like to know how it feels to have a mansion on wheels, high livin', With a stereo tv, and a couple jet skis, high livin', A cabin cruiser in tow, we'd be on the go, Having fun from Alaska to Mexico, Won't it be funny, when we have the money, High livin' Or maybe we'd stay in our country estate, High livin', With the money that's left, we'd get a French Chef, High living', With a butler and maid, so the beds would get made, We'd eat by the swimming pool so we could wade Won't it be funny, when we have the money, High livin'. How bout a trip for two, to see kangaroos, High livin', If Australia stinks, we'll visit the Sphinx, High livin', Or maybe it's finer, over in China, Maggie: It's amazing the money you make from a diner. Quincy: Won't it be funny, when we have the money, High livin'. (End) Maggie: Ahh, Quincy, it does sound like fun. And I know people do live like that... But I guess I never thought about those things for me... For me, dancing is a gift, and so I feel like giving of myself. Quincy: (Puts arm around her) That's wonderful, wonderful. Maggie: (She wiggles away) I think that life means giving the very best of yourself... Quincy: (Arm again) Exactly, exactly. And when you do, you deserve a reward. That's what I was talking about... Maggie: Well, it does make sense... Though it never really appealed to me... But what I was talking about, doing the best- that makes me nervous about this dance tryout. I mean, you can never know beforehand that you're going to do your best... Quincy: Of course you'll do great. You've worked and worked for this, right? And you're willing to give the best of yourself to get to the top, aren't you? Maggie: Well, yes... Quincy: They'll love ya. Here we are. And away we go! (They exit to side and scene ends) (Scene iii. Benedict's. Tom is just leaving diner. Sal and Charlie enter from opposite wings. Customers come and go throughout scene Lou is standing near Balloonman, watching Tom in the restaurant. As Tom exits diner he runs into Sal and Charley) Tom: Sal and Charlie! Hi! Have you seen Lou? He's right over here? Charlie: Looks like it's old home days... Sal: And I ain't even ready for the old home, yet... Hi Lou... Lou: What are you two up to? Sal: (Sheepish) Well, I just came down to check on a job here. At my age you take what you can get... Lou: I apologize to you, Sal. I was crazy when I sold the diner. Sal: It's all right, Lou. It'd be a shame for a young guy like you to stay tied down to a place like that. Unless you chose it, yourself... Lou: What are you doing here, Charlie? Got a new girlfriend? Charlie: (Looks at Sal) We just ran into each other down the street. I don't know. I'm just coming here out of habit, I guess. I just followed my feet here. I know it's not the same, but I gotta check it out to rid my feet of the habit... Lou: Sure, go check it out, and tell us how it is... (Charlie enters restaurant, goes through line) Sal: Well, I guess I should go in, too. Tom: Forget it, Sal. That's what I was doing here. It's all automated. They'd probably hire you at their plant in Pittsburg... Sal: I'm relieved. It would have been heartbreaking to work in a place like that. Like picnicking on somebody's grave. (Lights up in diner. Sal, Tom, and Lou talk noiselessly) Charlie: Hmm. Special, Humdinger and 2 Whirlybirds with Cupocustard. What the heck is that? Diner 1: What's the matter, don't you see the ads? Charlie: My wife took the TV... Diner 1: A humdinger is two poached eggs in a sesame seed but with special sauce and bacon. A Whirlybird is an apple fritter with a propeller stuck in the top. Get it? Charlie: Yeah, sure. Is the food good here? Diner 1: What d'ya think? (Diner orders, grabs bag, and leaves), Charlie: I think it's fast anyway. (To Diner 2, in front of him) How do you place an order? Diner 2: Are you lucky, or unlucky? Charlie: Huh, what do you mean? Diner 2: I don't want you to jinx me, see. This is my lucky day. I've got a feeling I'm going to win it today... Charlie: Win what? Diner 2: The restaurant. See the sign? Win the Restaurant! Charlie: That always happens to someone from Cleveland, doesn't it? What do you have to do to win? Diner 2: You just got to pick the right combination when you order. The computer lets you know instantly when you win... Charlie: You mean if I order a special I might win the restaurant? Diner 2: Everybody orders a special, man. I figure it's got to be an unusual combination. So I added up my lucky numbers, waited till my lucky day, and just got my paycheck. So I'm going to try ten different combinations. Things like egg nog and egg curry with deviled eggs. Charlie: What will you do with ten orders worth of food? Diner 2: Take it home and freeze it... If I lose.. I'm next, man. You give me the heebiejeebies... Charlie: Excuse me. (Diner 2 goes up and punches buttons with much ritual, feeding in credit card. Ten bags come out. Diner slumps. Diner 2: You turkey. You jinxed me! Charlie: Hey, the chances are one in a million, right? Diner 2: (Leaves, muttering) Jinxed me. Now I gotta eat this crap... Charlie: Real friendly place they got here... My turn. I still don't know what to do. (Reads) "If you need help press O." (does so) Yeah, how do I make an order? A special. Water and coffee... Water's 25 cents? Just coffee. $7.36! Okay, what do I do now? (Gets out wallet and puts bills in slot. Out comes bag) Hey, where's my change? Hello. Hello? Diner 3: Forget it. It's in the bag. Charlie: What? Diner 3: They put the change in the bag. Can you move? I'm in a hurry... Charlie: Yeah, sure. (He exits diner with bag, disgusted. Lights up on street) Bizarre! Lou, you owe me an apology. Lou: I apologize, Charlie. Sal: For what? Charlie: That place is not a diner. A snake pit, maybe. A gambling den, perhaps. A gang of robbers, unquestionably. I paid twice what I'd pay for a lunch at Hal's. For this! (He pulls out fritter with propeller in top and blows on it) Tom: That's kind of cute, Charlie. You could put it on your hat... (Lou looks up at his balloon and wanders away from the three, who continue talking animatedly but noiselessly, trying Charlie's food, pointing at restaurant, etc. Maggie enters, wandering distractedly until she sees Lou, then runs into his arms.) Maggie: Oh Lou, what a mess! What a terrible mess! Lou: I know, I know. It's all a disaster... Maggie: But you don't know... Not yet! It was that dance tryout. And Quincy! Lou: So what happened? I saw you leave the diner with Quincy... Maggie: You did? Oh, Lou, I'm so glad I found you! I didn't know where to look except here, and that's his place, now! Lou: (Gentle hug) There, there, it's okay now. I've got all the time in the world... (She recovers) So your tryout didn't go so well? Maggie: (Laughs bitterly) I wondered why I'd never heard of that dance company, but there's no telling, in the city... Lou: So it's not a name organization? Maggie: Oh yeah, they've got a name for themselves... Lou: So come on. You left here with Quincy... Maggie: I left here with Quincy, and he took me to this club. And I met the guy in charge, Phil Jones. So he said, "Let's see your stuff..." Well, there wasn't an accompanist or anything, so I just did a little free improv. And he said, "Hey, that's great--now strip!" So I looked at Quincy. And he said, "You might not be used to it, but it's just the same, only the pay is better. And he just sat and watched me... Lou: Strip? Maggie: Leave! With a few choice words over my shoulder. Lou: That's awful! (pause) But for some reason I don't feel too bad about it... (Hugs her) So what's a nice girl like you doing with a guy like this? (Points to self) Maggie: When I left there, I just walked and walked and thought about the things we talked of in the diner. And I came to this startling conclusion: (Song) Life should be more than just a song and a dance, It could mean taking a chance on you, I'm not just talking 'bout some quick romance It'd just be leaving me lonesome and blue. Life should be more than just a rush to the top, Cause the top would be empty without you, So I'm concedin', I'll listen to reason, and give up my whole life for you. (Instr. break) Lou: Life should be more than just puttin' in hours, It could mean walking in showers with you. Life should be more than putting food on the plate, I'm all for staying out late, with you! Life should be more than being fully insured, I don't know how I endured it without you, Duet: So I'm concedin' I'll listen to reason, And give up my whole life for you. (Embrace, End) (Sal, Charlie, and Tom have been watching and come over) Sal: This looks like a little sunshine... What's come over you two? Maggie: Sal, I think I'm getting life figured out. Sal: I'm all ears. Maggie: I told you the other day that life is a dance. But it's more. It's a song, and a dance, about love! Charlie: Yeah, I know the song and dance part... Sal: Oh, Maggie, you mean, you and Lou! That's wonderful! I just knew you two were meant for each other... (Song) Lou: I just knew someday I'd want to hold you. And I hoped you'd want to hold me, too. I just didn't know it would be love, sweet love, I didn't know I'd fall so hard for you. Lou and Maggie: And it's love, sweet love, it's not just something different, I want to spend my life with you. You're love, sweet love, not just someone different, I want to spend my life with you. Lou: Yesterday you were another woman, Now today you are my only one, Maggie: I just know we wouldn't have been human, Not to have loved like we both have done, Lou and Maggie: And it's love, sweet love, it's not just something different, I want to spend my life with you. You're love, sweet love, not just someone different, I want to spend my life with you. Lou: You said that you couldn't really love me Maggie: Till you loved so true, I had to try. Lou: Now you never want to live without me, Maggie: When I'm without you I just want to cry, that Lou and Maggie: And it's love, sweet love, it's not just something different, I want to spend my life with you. You're love, sweet love, not just someone different, I want to spend my life with you. (End. Quincy passes by group with a cursory glance and goes into diner. Maggie shivers at sight. Freeze. The Balloonman begins giving out balloons to any on stage without. Lights up in restaurant. Quincy and Max are in, no customers.) Quincy: Well? How's business? Max: Oh, hi Quincy. Well, it's kind of slow for an opening day. It's got me nervous. Quincy: Maybe the ads haven't quite hit home, yet. Max: Yeah, I suppose so. Say, I gotta tell you what I did about the contest. It's great! I couldn't tamper with the basic program without somebody finding out. So I switched the database that the numbers are drawn from so that they're completely different from the Benedict's menu numbers. Every five minutes the computer picks a telephone number from the phone book! Quincy: Ha Ha! That's fine... (Looks at watch) Max: So how'd that dance thing go with the waitress? Quincy: Who? Oh, you can forget her... Poor thing is living in the dark ages... (looks at watch again) It is getting late... Has it been this slow all day? Max: Naw, but it's been spotty... You know, I can't help thinking it's the neighborhood. You know these old parts of town, nothing but kooks, winos, and pensioners. Not long ago I chased away a couple guys kicking the side of the restaurant. One of 'em was that kooky balloon guy... Quincy: I wonder why he always hangs around our parking lot? Max: You know the other funny thing about him? I've never seen him take any money for those balloons... He's a weird one... Quincy: Hey, nobody gives balloons away free. There's always a string attached somewhere. Max: Ha Ha! That's a good one. Balloons, string attached, get it? Quincy: No, Max, I'm not joking. Have you taken a good look at those balloons? Max: No, not particularly. Quincy: Me, Neither. Here,look out the window. Do you see any writing on them? Max: It's hard to tell from here... Quincy: I think I do... I'll bet you anything he's giving out balloons advertising Tom Jefferson's Pancake Palace. They've got the most aggressive head-to-head marketing in the country... (Lights up inside and out. Some customers are heading for the door of the restaurant as Max and Quincy watch out window. The balloonman gives them each a balloon... Lou and Maggie exit together) Female Customer: It looks like a party! Thank you. I haven't had a helium balloon since I was a child. Male Customer: Yeah, I used to take them to the park and sail 'em on a kite string like a kite... Fem. Customer: No kidding? Hey, let's try it... Male Customer: Aren't you hungry? Fem. Customer: Not yet... Come on, it'll be fun. We can get the string at the Quickstop over there. (They exit) Quincy: Ahah! Did you see that? That proves it, Max. And he's giving out the balloons on our property. Well, I know how to play hardball with these guys. I'm gonna have him arrested for trespassing. (He goes towards order phone, stops himself, and heads into back) Whoops, I almost used the wrong phone. (End Scene) (Scene iv. Lou and Maggie walking alone, Evening.) Lou: Up there old Archie Banner lives. Do you know him? Maggie: Did he come to the diner much? Lou: No, but you might have seen him on the street. He looks different--only one eye... Maggie: Oh yes, I've seen him sometimes... Everyone in the city looks scary to me... Lou: Well, Archie looks scary. Piece of Shell took out his eye in the war... Apparently it's still in his head. But he gets along. I can't remember the neighborhood without him... Maggie: Yeah, I suppose. I never really thought about the city being your neighborhood. Lou: It's changing pretty quick. New folks, businesses. But some folks have lived here all their lives... Maggie: Look, there's a bat! Lou: Yep. Nope. It's a bird. Nighthawk. I used to see them by the light in the parking lot of the diner. Flitting around eating bugs. Kind of reminded me of some of the customers-- they'd flit in and out like those nighthawks... Maggie: It kind of looks like a whippoorwill from back home. (Pause) You know, it's wonderful walking around the neighborhood, getting to know more about your past... But what are we going to do tomorrow? Lou: Yeah, that's hard... But until a little while ago I didn't even have a tomorrow.... Maggie: I know we do, now... But what? (Song) I need you, I love you, I want you to know, I never ever want to see you go. You're lonely, I'm only, somebody who cares. People just look better when in pairs. Lou: Things are getting harder, maybe. That's the way it seems. Life just don't work out, like our dreams. I guess we need a change of scenery, something else to do. I'd do, anything, with you. I feel for you, I touch you, I want you to see, You mean every thing there is, to me. Maggie: Do you want me, you have me, What is there to do? Go on loving me, and I'll love you. Lou and Maggie: Things are getting harder, maybe. That's the way it seems. Life just don't work out, like our dreams. I guess we need a change of scenery, something else to do. I'd do, anything, with you. (End) Maggie: Look, there's the whippoorwill again... Lou: Nighthawk. Maggie: Oh, yeah. It reminds me of home... Lou: I'd love to see your family's farm... Maggie: Would you? I think I'm ready to go home... Lou: We could take our time going there, if it was our honeymoon... Maggie: Is there any other way to go? (End scene) (Scene v. Back at the restaurant, Charlie, Tom, and Sal enter as a policeman is starting to lead the balloonman off.) Tom: Hey, officer, what seems to be the problem? Policeman: We got a complaint signed against this guy. I've got to run him in. Sal: Angelo? Who'd have a complaint against Angelo? Somebody doesn't like balloons? Policeman: He's charged with trespassing and not having a city business license. Tom: Angelo has been here for years with no problem, officer. I can't believe anybody in the neighborhood would sign a complaint against him... Policeman: As I say, I'm just following orders from headquarters. You can discuss with the sergeant. Come along now, Angelo. (Angelo offers him a balloon) No thanks, I'm on duty. (They start moving offstage) Charlie: Can you believe that? What's the world coming to? Sal: If I let them take away that harmless old clown without a fight I'm not living up to the McGinty name. I'm going to phone that sergeant now. (She goes into diner. Tom stares, stricken, after her...) Tom: McGinty? Charlie: Her name's not McGinty... Tom: Couldn't be the same one... I just can't believe... I suppose I look different, too... Or she would have recognized me... Of course I was called Hartley in High School. Charlie: What are you talking about, Tom? (Tom ignores him and stares in window of diner. Inside diner lights go up as Sal gets to order phone and deposits quarter and dials. Several other customers are in restaurant, but none at phones. Bells start ringing and lights flashing. An amplified computer voice repeats, "We have winner. We have a winner. The customer at phone 3 is a winner" The other customers cluster around Sal and congratulate her. Sal is oblivious, and hangs up phone.) Sal: These stupid joints don't even have phones that work. What is all this? Let me through... (People tell her she's won, etc. Tom and Charlie enter restaurant, as Quincy and Max enter front from back...) Quincy: What's going on? Did somebody tilt the computer? Maggie: I can't believe it! I can't believe it! The sweepstakes! Quincy: (Policeman enters with balloonman) I thought you told me you rigged the computer--Oh, hello officer! Police: You got a problem here? Quincy: Problem? No, no problem.. We've just had a winner for our big sweepstakes... (Tom encounters Sal) Tom: You're Alice McGinty? Sal: Yeah, I used to be... Tom: It was thirty years ago in the Spring you left me. I've never gotten over you... Sal: Hartley? (He nods. They embrace. TV Minicam crew enter.) Customer: (Points to Sal) That's the one, right there! She won it! Interviewer: What is your name, please? Sal: Uh, Sal. Say what is this? Interviewer: I mean, your full name? Sal: Alice McGinty Wallace. Interviewer: How does it feel to be the big winner in the Benedict Arnold Sweepstakes? Sal: I don't know what you're talking about. You ought to be asking that policeman how he feels arresting poor old Angelo the Balloonman when anyone can see he's perfectly harmless. Interviewer: Don't you understand? You've just won this restaurant! Quincy: (Comes over with title) Okay, where is she? I don't want to drag this out. You can't fight the computer... Here's the title, signed and dated. Come on Max... At least we still own Laundry World... Max: And the Quickstop, and the Video Center, and the liquor store... (They exit) Sal: The title? For the diner? (she faints. Tom supports her as Charlie asks) Charlie: She okay? Tom: I think she's never been better... (Blackout) (Scene vi. Some time later. The diner is restored. Tom is cooking, Sal's behind the cash register. There's a new waitress (Jessie). The Balloonman is outside at his regular place. Charlie enters with a ladder and a large letter "S" wrapped in paper. Sets ladder up in front of diner and enters restaurant. Charlie: (Singing) Woe is me! Cup of Coffee. Woe is me. Black. Jessie: Umm, can I help you? Do you need a bandaid, or an aspirin, or something? Sal: It's okay, Jessie, I can handle this guy... What are you moaning about this time, Charlie? Charlie: You and Tom had such a beautiful wedding this morning... Sal: That's something to moan about? Charlie: And I didn't have your present ready till now. It's going to modernize this diner. Tom: Get out of here! Charlie: I'm going! And I'm taking this with me. (Unwraps letter S) Sal: Ahh, come on. What in the world is that for? Charlie: I thought of it because nobody liked my slogan, Go to Hal's for the Halibut. Follow me. (They go outside diner, where he climbs ladder and sticks S up to cover H in Hal's, making it Sal's.) Now that's what I call modern... And I've got a new slogan--Go to Sal's for the Salad Bar. (Lou and Maggie enter) Look, it's the other newlyweds! Lou: We just came to say goodbye to Sal and Tom and the diner. Maggie: We're going to be heading west today. Lou: And I'm going to learn to be a farmer! Charlie: Ahh, the simple life! I'll come out sometime on vacation. Maggie: Simple? Charlie, you just come out and see how "simple" it is. It isn't any vacation... Lou: Yeah, but I know how Charlie feels... (Song) Let's go to the farm, Maggie: It's loaded with charm, Lou: We could be husband and wife. Maggie: Life could be good, out in the woods, Lou: We'd lead the simple life. We could have cows, and chickens... Maggie: And kids... Lou: And just a few goats. Maggie: We'll have to buy hay, and fencing Lou: Some tractors Maggie: And a whole lot of oats. Let's go to the farm, I'll be a school marm, and teach schoolkids to dance. Life will be mild, out in the wild, Raising children and plants. Lou: We could raise pigs, or maybe grow figs Maggie: If the weather was right Lou: Working all day, raking the hay, Maggie: And square dancing at night, Both: Sounds like a good life, so far... (end) Charlie: So you're going to teach dance, Maggie? Maggie: My folks say my old teacher is finally retiring at 75, and she thinks I ought to take over for her... Charlie: I'll sure miss your cooking, Lou. Lou: Well, if you come out, I expect you'll get some. Maggie: I can't let a talent like his go to waste... Tom: Won't you missing dancing for yourself? Maggie: Oh, Tom, one way or another I'll always be dancing (Mimes dancing with a babe in arms. Cast enters) (Song) Ensemble: Meet me at ten, we'll go dancing, and romancing, It's a riot, you should try it Meet me at ten, we'll be laughing, While we're having us a ball. Meet me at ten, we'll careen there, We can dream there, that the dance is all. Meet me at ten, we'll go dancing, And we won't come back home until fall. Meet me at ten, we'll go dancing We'll be prancing. It's a riot, you should try it. Meet me at ten, birds are singing We'll be swinging o'er the floor. Meet me at ten, band is playing, We'll be praying them to play some more. Meet me at ten, and we'll learn to fly, At least it's worth giving a try... (The balloonman hands out balloons to the audience as they exit.) End