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Welcome to the new Stream of Consciousness fiction blog.

A serial adventure in fiction by Brad Sondahl

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Chapter 28
Hurray for the Reds, Whites, and Blues

I can't believe the confluence of critical events occurring on this 4th of July.  Besides the usual 4th festivities, which generally bring out in force the Bureau of Alcohol, Firearms, and Whatever Else is Fun,  I've decided to deliver a soap box speech at the Park as part of my run for President.  I also have been asked to provide some music for the town festivities, including blues.  Being white by nature, this only leads one to wonder where the Reds are, to make this chapter complete.

    When I decided to run on the Let's Party platform, I knew it would be an uphill battle.  So I've decided to appeal to moderates of all persuasions as the base of my constituency.  Moderation in all things, said the Buddha, I think, so all moderates, including Buddhists, should hurry now to show their support for me, Phil Steen.  It's a typical tactic to not refer to your adversaries by name or party affiliation, as doing so in some way apparently validates their existence.  While this seems a bit odd to me, who am I to question candidates, some of whom have won actual elective offices?  That's a rhetorical question, so you may put your hand down...

    Besides reaching out to moderate liberals and conservatives, whatever their putative party affiliation, I'm also willing to proselytze more esoteric fringe elements of our society.  Moderate communists who have embraced capitalism are as welcome as Chinese consumer goods in my umbrella organization.  
What about neonasties, you might ask?   Moderate neonasties who have embraced human rights are welcome, although there have been no takers so far.
Searching for moderate extremists  has not proven to be a high yield strategy.  But I have gotten some letters of inquiry from Earth Second supporters...  The Swiss Army Knife enthusiasts have shown some support also.

    While I enjoy sharing my inner workings with you through my blog, I really must get to work on my stump speech.  So here goes:

    "There's  a fresh wind blowing in America today!  I hope it is a moderate wind, and not a gale, nor a sickly stagnant air mass leading to drought and global warming.  That's why I'm here today.  For you--the little people--no matter what size your waist lines-- I know you are hungry.  Hungry for the things that made this country great!  Apple Pie!  I'm for it!  Sounds good, doesn't it?  And why not?  Is there anyone here who is against apple pie? But what about the ice cream?
    Yes, we must always be vigilant.  If you want it with ice cream, why say "Ala mode?"  Have not the French made deep enough inroads into our national psyche?  Let them eat escargot,  I say.  But not on top of our OUR APPLE PIE!  Merci I DON'T THINK Beaucoups, thank you very much.

    What's wrong with America today?  America is out of gas!  Somebody fell asleep at the wheel, and the gas corporations are making us pay for it.  If the President of the USA pays over $3.00 per gallon for his gasoline, isn't that a dangerous precedent?  That's precedent with 3 e's, as opposed to 2 e's...
 What I'm saying is,  if expensive gasoline is good enough for the President of the USA, it's probably good enough for you and me.  Currently gasoline costs as much as milk, but it still has a ways to go to cost as much as bottled water.  Be glad you don't have to put bottled water in your tanks...

    What about issues critical to all Americans?  Now I'm sure that America is wondering how I feel about disfunctional stars going in and out of rehab.  I think when they are out, they should be in, and vice versa.  By doing this continually, we don't need to worry about foreign policy, as our whole news media will be tied up covering the stories.  Perhaps a system of stats such as sports fans use will develop, and play by play commentary as well.  "Well Frank, Britney came into the season with a 1.3 day Average Rehab Stay score, but Lindsey has got her beat in the Diva Demands category.  Meanwhile Paris has won the 9.2 Media Frenzy Feed Award, so the whole season is still up in the air. "  In actual fact,  I support all the disfunctional stars,  in moderation.

  The issues with health care and big oil are the same.  They want us to dump all our cash in a bag and give it to them.  So I don't expect to see any changes in either area.  The good news is that before long we'll all need smaller bags.  This will lead to moderation in all things, except for drug companies and oil companies, who will use a moderate share of their largesse to grease the palms of their politicians.
   

   
   


Use this chart to find the next of the cartoons (first 47  entries) or the stories (starting with  1 A River Too Far 5 rows below week 8)
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Week 47
(cartoon ends)
1. A River Too Far
2.The Reunion
3.The Daily Grind
4 The New Car and Treasure
5. The Big 
Bambootees
6. The old
Switcheroo
7. The Ravine Runner 8. The Fabulous
Folk Festival
9. Druid
Fluid
10. Goats of
Christmas Past
11. The Secret Six 12. The Great
White Hunters
13. The Old School
14
Lost in the City
15
Schlemiel
Possession

16
What's in
a name?
17
The Curse of
Bently Manor
18
Shortbottom Possessed
19
The Lost
Treasure
of Iraq
20
Phil Steen
for President!
21
Phil Steen
for Rehab
22
The Adventures
of Handiman
and Fiberwoman
23
Quantum
Uncertainty
revealed
24
Pirates of the Puget Sound
 25
Building a platform, plank by plank
26
The Quest
for meaning
27
Larry and
Phil to
The Rescue
28
Hurrah for
the Reds,
Whites, and
Blues
29
Phil
loses
his
mind
30
Earth
Strikes
Back
31
Harry
the
Potter
32
How I spent
my summer
vacation
33
Help
I am
trapped in
the Present
!
34
Help I am trapped
in the future
35
The
Nose of Death
36
Infectious
Laughter
37
Election
Update