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Welcome to the new Stream of Consciousness fiction blog.

A serial adventure in fiction by Brad Sondahl

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Chapter 30
Earth Strikes Back!
    I suppose I should be bothered by the mind control device my alien overlords installed on my spine, but they must have some very good drugs, because I don't mind at all.   Of course when you've been through all the alien abductions and demonic possessions that I have, parasitic brain control isn't much of a stretch.  As a kid, I always hoped Captain Kirk would tell Scotty to beam me up, so I guess this is almost as good.  It's certainly been good for the campaign coffers.  Now that I'm in solid with the Vortibol Mind Leeches, they've offered to fund my campaign.  Remember, if someone knocks on your door and offers you a pod, resistance is futile.   Also you'll vote for me whether you were previously inclined or not.  So, yes, things are looking good.

   
HEY EVERYBODY, MY NAME IS LARRY.  I'M PHIL'S FRIEND, WHETHER HE STILL KNOWS IT OR NOT.  I'VE HACKED THIS WEBSITE BECAUSE PHIL HAS GONE OFF THE DEEP END WITH THIS MIND LEECH STUFF.  I MEAN, I KNOW I GET ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT NEW SPORTS CRAZES, BUT PHIL'S COLLABORATION WITH THE ALIENS REALLY BOTHERS ME.  I MEAN, IF THESE GUYS WIN, IT'S GAME OVER FOR THE WORLD...

Okay, I got the caps lock off, and I've got control of Phil's machine.  I've just found the
Vortibol Mind Leeches' plan for world domination.  Good thing they did it in MS Word format, and it showed up on the list of recent documents,  so I can read it...  Oh wow!  Phil was right!  They plan to get him elected President, then send pods to everyone in the country!
    This sounds like a new sport to me--alien bashing...  But I'm  not sure if I can turn the tide by myself.  I'm going to recruit OD Esse, who is more of a professional adventurer.  Until the alien scourge is vanquished, this will be the news center for Earth Strikes Back--the alien resistance.

OD speaking, or typing, as the case may be.  Larry is a good chap, but weak on strategy.  I've always found, when confronted with a rampaging elephant, it's good to have a plan in mind.   Usually it's Run like the Dickens....  Unfortunately Larry assures me that this will not work, when everyone in the USA has been converted to alien mind slaves.  I suppose it won't help to fly to Rio, either, even though that's frequently my second thought.  Well, given that we've got to fight, even if Resistance is technically Futile, we should start with Phil Steen, who seems to be critical to their plan for world domination, as stupid as that may seem.  I'd have thought they'd pick a real mover and shaker, like me, for instance.

    Now if Phil were a full fledged zombie, I guess we'd have to destroy his brain to take him down.  Since it's more a case of parasitic attachment, rather like the Lumbago worms I encountered in Lower Botswana, it seems like one of us will have to distract him while the other one removes the parasite from his body.  I hope it's not too messy...  Larry and I are scheduled to play poker with Phil tonight, so we'll give it the old college try...

   That was just what I like, adventure with a bit of a tussle, particularly when I come out on top.  The fourth guy for poker was
Erdimore, the Druid Extremist, who, as usual, didn't have a clue as to what was really going on.  It was amusing to see the look on his face when Larry and I folded on the second hand, then grabbed Phil and held him down while pounding on his back with a fireplace poker.  He was pretty indignant, until the thing, that looked like a yellow snorkel tube, went slithering off Phil and we finished bashing it into a pulp.  Erdimore talked about how all of creation is sacred, till the thing puked green junk on him, at which point he beat on it as well.  Phil kept insisting we should reattach it, so we knocked him on the head, and had to put him to bed with a 24 hour watch, till he hopefully returns to his senses.  Score one for the good guys!

     This is Erdimore writing, since Phil is still a little out of it.  Much as I favor peaceful coexistence with our alien neighbors, I think mind parasites are a bit much.  I mean, I can handle the fact that black widow spiders and praying mantises tend to kill the ones they love, so to speak, and I'm in agreement with Darwin that Nature is Red in Tooth and Claw.  But I think these aliens are a bit like exotic noxious weeds, okay on their own planet, where the minds they take over are probably totally happy about it.  However, when it comes to having yellow snorkel things attached to my spine, that's where I draw the line. 

    I want to thank my friends for keeping this adventure documented while I was indisposed.  I am totally back to normal again.  I would happily consent to being enthralled to my alien overlord buddies again, but I understand that some people might have qualms about this in a President, so for the time being I will not allow any more snorkel things to be attached.  But don't worry about them, they mean the best...

    OD is back again--we read what Phil had written yesterday and decided to give him another knock upside the head.  We expect another day or so and he'll be ready to lead the free world against the alien mindsuckers.  Or he's going to have one sore noggin after a while...  Meanwhile I've organized  a bunch of vigilantes to go out with sticks and beat suspicious people on the back with them.  We're starting to get some weird looks from people--not sure if they've got the parasites or they're just peaceniks.  In any case, we are equal opportunity flailers.

    This is Erdemore again.  Phil is still in bed with a headache.  Meanwhile OD and Larry are in custody for assaulting 232 people.  Apparently these snorkel things aren't as widespread as  OD and Larry were led to believe--none of those assaulted showed any trace of mind parasites.  Larry called me from jail to say that he's decided to give up this latest extreme sport of alien bashing.  I guess we'll just let the aliens do their thing.  If they take over the government, it's possible there won't be any noticeable changes anyway...
  


Use this chart to find the next of the cartoons (first 47  entries) or the stories (starting with  1 A River Too Far 5 rows below week 8)
Cartoon:
Week 1
Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
Week5 
Week 6
Week 7
Week 8
Week 9
Week 10
Week 11
Week 12
Week 13
Week 14
Week 15
Week 16
Week 17
Week 18
Week 19
Week 20
Week 21
 Week 22
Week 23
Week 24
Week 25
Week 26
Week 27
Week 28
Week 29
Week 30
Week 31
Week 32
Week 33
Week 34
Week 35
Week 36
Week 37
Week 38
Week 39
Week 40
Week 41
Week 42
Week 43
Week 44
Week 45
Week 46
Week 47
(cartoon ends)
1. A River Too Far
2.The Reunion
3.The Daily Grind
4 The New Car and Treasure
5. The Big 
Bambootees
6. The old
Switcheroo
7. The Ravine Runner 8. The Fabulous
Folk Festival
9. Druid
Fluid
10. Goats of
Christmas Past
11. The Secret Six 12. The Great
White Hunters
13. The Old School
14
Lost in the City
15
Schlemiel
Possession

16
What's in
a name?
17
The Curse of
Bently Manor
18
Shortbottom Possessed
19
The Lost
Treasure
of Iraq
20
Phil Steen
for President!
21
Phil Steen
for Rehab
22
The Adventures
of Handiman
and Fiberwoman
23
Quantum
Uncertainty
revealed
24
Pirates of the Puget Sound
 25
Building a platform, plank by plank
26
The Quest
for meaning
27
Larry and
Phil to
The Rescue
28
Hurrah for
the Reds,
Whites, and
Blues
29
Phil
loses
his
mind
30
Earth
Strikes
Back
31
Harry
the
Potter
32
How I spent
my summer
vacation
33
Help
I am
trapped in
the Present
!
34
Help I am trapped
in the future
35
The
Nose of Death
36
Infectious
Laughter
37
Election
Update