Well,
I'm feeling mostly myself these days, so I thought I should get in
touch with that part of me running for President. What with vacation
trips to exotic locales and whatnot, it's easy to forget about a thing
like campaigning to control the capitalist world.
What brought it to mind was that Stephen Colbert has tossed his hat in
the ring. I actually prefer Claudette Colbert over Stephen
Colbert, but that's because I'm a redblooded American who likes
watching old screwball comedies rather than modern comedy screwballs.
Fortunately he's only running in one of the Carolinas, so he's
not a major threat to my candidacy. I'm running for president
throughout the World Wide Web, making it technically a global event.
While watching a video on Colbert's candidacy on some normally
trustworthy site like CNN, they mentioned there were other off beat
candidates, including one who looked distinctly like a Norse God of the
coarser type, and was running on a platform of dental hygiene. I
see him as a definite threat. It's hard to argue with someone
(who might be hiding a large hammer) about something as fundamental as
dental hygiene. So I concede the dental hygienists' votes to
Thor, or whatever his name was.
Recent events
in California have convinced me that I am against drought, wildfires,
and building expensive houses. I've come up with a plan of
requiring only mud huts with palm frond ceilings in areas prone
to wildfires, flooding, hurricanes, and coconut attacks by
angry primates. I'm pretty sure the insurance industry will back
me on this one, except they may make a rider on the primates part.
I'm still feeling uncommonly well qualified to run for the Big One.
Not only am I unendicted, but I'm not even a coconspirator.
It hurts me to talk about it, but I'm against torture. Enough
said. Enough already! Well, okay, since you've forced me,
I'll reveal my plans to foil world terrorism. I will declare
victory! After that I will declare terrorism against the law, and
leave it to the police to deal with. Or the next administration.
Use this chart to find the next of the cartoons (first 47 entries) or the stories (starting with 1 A River Too Far 5 rows below week 8)
